As the year turned I was having my usual evaluation of The State of Things. I’ve spent the better part of five years paring down this family’s life, and I was wondering–especially in light of a potential job offer–what was next. Was it time to start adding in? Was it time to say “more” instead of “less,” at least to some things?
What I really want, I’ve always joked, is for God to put a sign in my yard. “Do this,” it would say, and I’d do it.
Reading during my quiet time one morning I came across this verse:
“I shall walk at liberty, for I have sought your precepts.” –Psalm 119:45
It’s almost like as long as I’m seeking him, following Him, I can do whatever.
Well, that can’t be right. Can it?
Not even two weeks go by and I stumble across this quote in Emily P. Freeman’s book A Million Little Ways:
“Author Barbara Brown Taylor writes about a time in her life when she was desperate to discover what she was supposed to be doing with her life. She describes praying to God, asking him that very question in her book An Altar in the World.
God’s answer to her was both surprising and infuriating. She sensed him saying this: Do anything that pleases you, and belong to me.” (pg. 50)
Well….okay then. Let me think on that.
One week later I’m reading in the book we’ve chosen for our Bible study and come to this beautiful (and comical) word picture:
“The difference between the mechanical and relational approach could be pictured like this: Let’s say you’d been taught how to get written directions from God to go any place you wanted to go. You could get in your car and hold these instructions in your hand, printed clearly in black and white. That’s what many people want from God: ‘Just tell me what to do!’ [See? There’s that sign I want in my yard.]
But Jesus will not have it! Jesus is relentlessly relational. He gets in the car with you, takes the instructions out of your hands, and grins as he tears them up. ‘Start the car!’ he says.
You feel uneasy; you just want the instructions! You protest: ‘How will I know when to turn?’
He smiles and challenges you to risk trusting him: ‘I’ll tell you when to turn. Start the car!’
You protest again: ‘I need to know ahead of time!’
But Jesus replies, ‘Trust me. We’re going to stop at restaurants you’re going to love; we’re going to see beautiful places; we’re going to stop alongside the road and help people you can’t stand. It will be wonderful. Start the car.” (–When the Soul Listens, by Jan Johnson, pg. 6-7)
I’d like to think, by now, that I’m starting to get the point. (I can be slow, don’t get me wrong, but this is a little much.) All these moments formed the beginning of my “intentional” year, the things that came together just before I sat down to look at my days and do something about them. I don’t have a map (honestly, I’m lousy at reading maps anyway), and I have no idea what the year in front of us holds (let’s be real, no one really does), but I plan on walking as closely to Him as I can. If I’m close enough–and stay quiet enough–maybe I can hear his direction.
(Incidentally, the other option I considered for my word this year was “abide:” “Abide in me as I abide in you…..I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:4-5). It sounds like I’ll be focused on doing that anyway, “word” or no. )